Saturday, February 02, 2008

Draftus Domesticus

1. Thanks to everyone who's been reporting in from AWP! I am envious, but I'm much happier to be spending all my money on my heating bill this month rather than on a hotel bill. Well, if not happier, then at least warmer. :) I'll see you in Chicago next year, by hook or by crook. (um... I am not a crook...)

2. I spent a couple of pleasant hours today at the Bakehouse, where you can get a good cup of coffee with unlimited refills for two bucks (take that, Starbucks), tweaking poems. Here's one I've been poking at lately. I'll take it down in a day or so.

[~gone ... tweaking it even as we speak. if you want to see it, drop me an email~]


Collin said...

The poem really begins -- for me -- with the third stanza. I'd cut the first two. Some great images in the lower stanzas, esp. the line about the open hand being the size of the sky. Yowza!

Anne said...

Collin, thanks for reading! I actually agree with you about the first two stanzas, but there's something in them I haven't been able to let go of yet. I think it may be just the verb "ruins" ... hmm.

Pamela said...

Anne, I agree with Collin about the poem starting with stanza 3.

I like the lines:
nobody else
ruins so much
or questions
so much . . .

but they don't seem in the right position (or to be the right length) for the Whitman-type meditation that goes on during the rest of the poem. What about putting them as one line in that third stanza? Then you have "ruins" as echoes, verb and noun, along with the "call" between this stanza and the last one. (What about 3 stanzas, too?)

Just ignore my muttering if you want. This is a strong, strong draft. I love the sky imagery, too. Reminds me of "When I heard the Learn'd Astronomer," and from me that's a high compliment.

Anne said...

Pamela, thank you! That's helpful. I like the idea of moving that bit ... I'll play around and see what happens.

"When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer was one of my very first favorite poems, way back in my early teens ... goodness. I should go back and reread it!